Petals for Christmas – A Bay of Quinte Holiday Story: Part Four

Chapter Fifteen: Nick

Christmas Eve

I woke up very early this morning as I knew I would.

Dawn was breaking as I skulked out of bed. I wandered into the kitchen with the dread rising in my stomach and slipped a coffee pod into the brewer. I held onto the counter to steady both my mind and body and as I walked through my plans for the day.

I had to trust Mel. She told me she would do this. 

She sent the sign.

The rose petal. 

It couldn’t just be an enormous coincidence? Not after hearing Holly’s story. 

But I also had to respect Holly. She wasn’t looking for some knight in shining armor to save her…from what? A successful business? Holly didn’t need saving.

The more I thought about it, the more nervous I became and was ready to scrap the whole idea.

But the timing of 8:00 on Christmas Eve 2019 was just too powerful to ignore.

I poured the coffee and pulled out the same chair that held Holly’s rose petal. I took the first tentative sip and stared out the window. Snow was lightly falling as it should on Christmas Eve, and I willed Melanie to help me again.

“How many signs do you need, Nick?”

I know it was in my mind, but Mel sat in the same chair she occupied years ago with a knowing smile on her face. “I told you I would send a sign. Why don’t you believe me?”

The first tear of the day slid down as I replied, “Of course I believe you, Mel, but I’m just too afraid.”

“What are you afraid of, Nick? That you’ll somehow be worse off? You’ll be lonelier?

“No. I’m afraid that if I move forward, that you will think I am leaving you behind.”

Mel had the most engaging laugh. It rose from her throat and took control of her entire face. My Melanie did nothing half-way.

I could hear it now, as if she were really at the table.

“How could you know so little about love, Nick? You won’t be leaving me behind by moving forward because love means that no matter where I am, I am always with you.”

I thought about it as I sipped my coffee, but she was silent. I tested my heart by asking, “But what if I’m wrong? What if it hurts her again? I know this isn’t how things start.”

And then Melanie, or what I imagined was my wife, was beside me. “There is no right way or formula for this. We were love at first sight. We were the lucky ones. Some people go through life never knowing what we knew, never enjoying what we enjoyed. Others start as friends that grow deeper, and some come from a darker place with a shared pain, and together, mend broken hearts that are stronger together than they ever were apart.”

She knew the pain in my heart as she finished, “Nick, she is afraid too. Use the love you have for me and trust that you are a good man, ready to move forward. Let time do the rest.”

I cried as I have every Christmas Eve morning, but today I begged her not to go.

“Stay with me, Mel,” I whimpered, but she was gone.

I pondered her “words”, which I imagined were just excuses to make myself feel less guilty for thinking of Holly. 

Let time do the rest settled in my brain.

Time.

I bolted upright and wiped the tears. It was just after 9:00 in the morning and suddenly the entire plan formed in an instant.

“Mel, is that it? Is that what you meant?” I asked aloud. 

Time. 

The rose petal.

Outside the kitchen window, the light snow began.

It was Christmas Eve. For the first time in four long years, I knew a way out.

Chapter Sixteen: Holly

The flower shop was quiet as it was normally on the day before Christmas. There was the cliché of men who waited until the last minute, but even they were fewer today. Martha offered to stay until 4:00 closing time, so I tidied up the cooler area, did some year-end paperwork, and headed out just after 2:00.

I saw the note on my windshield, wedged under the windshield wiper. It was a cream-coloured envelope of “greeting card” size. I tugged it out, unlocked my door and waited until the vehicle was warm before opening it.

I wanted it to be from Nick, but I was afraid of what it would say. “Sorry I over-shared and we shouldn’t see each other again?” My mind always went to the worst scenario.

The card had a generic snow scene on the front, but upon opening it, a folded sheet of paper dropped to my lap. I stared at it like it was poison. My hands gripped the card until I felt I could tear it in two.

Nick had signed the card with a flowing hand, even drawing a Christmas star to dot the “I”. That was good, right?

I unfolded the letter and began reading. My stomach flipped as I read the words. A tear escaped my eye as it often did at the drop of a hat over the holidays, but today was different. I didn’t know what to make of it.

Holly,

First, I know how today feels because I have been there as well. But somehow knowing now that I’m not alone in it gives me strength. You should find consolation in feeling the same.

I’m asking the impossible of you this Christmas. I’m begging you to trust me, a man you just met who also tore your wound apart just a few short weeks ago.

If you can find it in your broken heart to just give me one minute, it would be a truly special gift to me.

You know where. You know when.

If you don’t come, I completely understand, and thank you for your special friendship and gentle care for me these last weeks.

Nick 

I sat stunned. I read it a third time. Then a fourth.

He was asking the impossible.

I drove home thinking about nothing else than what I should do tonight. Was it just some lame gesture on his part to make me feel better, like a Christmas intervention for my heart? Or could it be worse? 

I would show up, and he wouldn’t be there. 

My mind went back and forth until I was angry that he was forcing me to confront my choices. Of all people on all days, why couldn’t he just leave me alone?

I got home at 2:30 and immediately ran a bath. The warm water soothed me as I soaked for an hour, deep in thought. By 3:30, I considered composing a note and driving out to the barn to slip my rejection note under his windshield for him to find before he left, saving him the trip.

By 4:00, I think I was falling for him.

It was maddening. What could Nick have planned? Yesterday, he had revealed his complete brokenness to me, and today he had arranged for some Christmas miracle?

I stood in front of my closet, searching for it.

The sweater. The garment I wore that night four years ago. The same sweater I had tried to drop off at Value Village a dozen times but always retrieved before the bag went into the bin.

I pulled on a comfortable pair of black jeans and ceremoniously pulled the sweater over my head. I walked to the full-length mirror.

Here we go again, I thought.

The light flurries had continued all day, and while it added a backdrop to the lights at Jane Forrester Park, it made for a colder evening. It was not as frigid as my nightmare evening, but cold enough for whatever awaited me this time.

Deep down, I was struggling, but curiosity was winning out.

The short drive to Jane Forrester Park was a blur. I parked my SUV a few spots down from Nick’s, said a quick prayer, and slowly got out of the vehicle. I turned and looked up at the crest of the hill. 

There Nick stood, just as I had a month ago, silhouetted by the lights. 

I crept along, giving myself time to turn around if I came to my senses, but each step brought me closer to whatever fate had in store. When I got close enough to make out his expression, he was smiling, his hands in his wool coat pockets.

I stood a few feet short of him. There was no urge to hug him, and, besides, this was his show. He should take the lead.

“You came.” he said. “Thank you.”

He looked around, as if ensuring our privacy, or maybe just marking the obvious symbolism. He took a step closer to me and announced, “I have something for you.”

He pulled his hand from his pocket and reached out to give me a narrow-hinged jeweler case, as one would use when giving a bracelet. It had a small red bow on it.

“Nick, you didn’t have…”

“Open it”, he interrupted, taking the irrevocable step to close the gap between us.

I stared into his eyes, looking for signs of either a joke or a commitment, neither of which I was prepared for.

Nick whispered, “Please open it”.

My heart rose in my throat as I ran my thumb along the base of the box and slowly glided it open. I stared at the contents.

The box was empty.

The night air stilled and time retreated to four years ago when every expectation I had was shattered. It was happening again. My growing humiliation again froze me to the core when Nick reached across and took my hand. The gesture seemed so foreign in that moment.

“Holly, I have nothing I can give you. You are successful, smart and caring. I can’t add to any of that or give you anything you couldn’t find from a thousand other guys. The only thing I could give you, because we have both been there, is a fresh start; a clean slate.” 

He pointed to his gift. 

“An empty box. Yours to fill it with whatever fresh memories you want to save with whomever you choose. But I hope you’ll choose me. The box comes with no expiry date. It doesn’t have to be tonight or tomorrow…or next week…it can be a year from now. But I want you to know that whenever you plan to fill it, I’ll be there for you. My Christmas gift is a new start at the time of your choosing.”

Tears came so easily. I wanted that gift, but it took too much courage to accept it.

Over the rush of wind, I whispered, “I’m scared.”

Nick gently rocked forward and rested his forehead on mine, our lips inches apart. I could hear the pained smile in his voice as he whispered back.

“Hello scared. I’m terrified.”

It took so little effort to raise my chin and brush my lips to his. He cocked his head to meet mine in a fuller kiss as I raised my hand to cup his cheek. Tears mingled on our cheeks as we gave ourselves to the shared pain, damaged pasts, and the fear of an uncertain future. 

I can’t say how long we stood there before Nick pulled away first, seeking comfort in my eyes, and confirmation that I understood.

But his hair was full of snow, and I wasn’t the least bit cold.

Chapter Seventeen: Nick

New Year’s Eve

So, there you have it. I’m not much of a blogger, so thanks for reading my post. I hope my experiences will help you overcome your pain. Holly and I are going to have our first proper date tonight, and we have vowed that the kiss at midnight will be the start of our relationship. We’re both nervous, but hopeful.

I have a rose petal to thank for my certainty, the ultimate gift from Melanie. Her lasting legacy of the love we will always share.

Add a comment below if you like. I’ll keep this blog spot open for a while, but I doubt I will have anything to add. 

Happy New Year, and remember, with pain, time will always heal. 

Trust it.

Chapter Eighteen: Holly

New Year’s Eve

Unbelievable story, right? I hope I told it right because it is hard to even imagine how something like this could have happened. Nick is true to his word and is letting me set the pace. I have decided to have him over to see my condo for the first time and cook dinner for New Year’s Eve. I want tonight to be the start of both a new year and a fresh start.

Thanks for reading. If you want to make a comment, drop one in the link below. I don’t plan on blogging anymore, so if you want to know how this baffling story continues, maybe search “Nick and Holly”.

Who knows what you might find?

 

Possibly Not The End